Baseball Toaster Bronx Banter
You Won't Have Tanyon Sturtze to Kick Around Anymore
2006-12-04 05:26
by Alex Belth
Note: The Bronx Banter blog has moved to

Actually, it wasn't poor Tanyon that got so many Yankee fans hot-under-the-collar. It was the way Joe Torre used him. Anyhow, he's an Atlanta Brave now. So long, Snoops. Thanks for the memories.

Comments (80)
Show/Hide Comments 1-50
2006-12-04 05:41:01
1.   Yankee Fan In Boston
this is a loss to me personally. i had a gag going with a friend of mine for years involving an imagined comaraderie between sturtze and miguel cairo... their imagined hijinx and pranks they would play on each other... cairo the mischeivous prankster to sturtze's deer-in-the-headlights straightman.

...all based on one comment my wife made.

i know that this move is for the good of the team, but damnit... now half of my baseball comedic repetoire has been vaporized.

also... i don't know if it has been mentioned here yet, but there was an interesting article over at the eagle-tribune.

the sox's john lester has lymphoma, as i'm sure most here are aware, but according to this piece he is getting support from an unexpected source:

"The (New York) Yankees sent flowers that first week. They were the only organization (other than the Red Sox) to do so," John Lester said. "That was great. I don't know who it was in the organization, but somebody sent him a large (bouquet), saying that they were rooting for him. That's kind of cool. People tell me it could even have been (New York owner George) Steinbrenner."

"evil empire" my rear end.

2006-12-04 05:59:48
2.   yankz
Check out this body language

2006-12-04 06:10:13
3.   Shaun P
So long Tanyon, and thanks for all the fish.
2006-12-04 06:15:35
4.   weeping for brunnhilde
1 That's very funny, yfb, thanks for the hearty chuckle.

That is truly commedic.

Sturze as Cairo's straightman.

ha ha ha hah.


3 Indeed, Tanyon, thanks for all the fish.

2006-12-04 06:36:05
5.   Yankee Fan In Boston
4 yeah... the year cairo played for the mets, sturtze was inconsolable...

(in my imagined scenario, that is.)

...but you can imagine the joy that swept through the clubhouse upon miggy's triumphant return.

this whole thing had my friend (a die-hard sox fan) cheering for these two guys as if they were friends of his.

...oh well...

today, i imagine a teary-eyed miguel cairo, in bed with the shades drawn, singing along through sobs along with his stereo, which is blasting the byrds' timeless classic...

"to everything, turn turn turn..."

2006-12-04 06:39:40
6.   Chyll Will
1,3 ?? I don't get it {:'

2 I've criticized Jeter in the past for not showing A-Rod love in the media, but I've since sided with him; the media is just as much at fault for making A-Rod Public Enemy #1 as they have with other notables in the recent past. Sheffield's assessment aside, A-Rod will do fine as the fanholes and the mediocra will soon focus on another star (Willis? Hughes?) to hate on when he doesn't produce to lofty expectations. The only reason people pick on A-Rod is because he let it affect him at some point.

hmph. Good-bye to Sturtze becomes another A-Rod rant. I'm off to pepper my tongue now...

2006-12-04 06:40:52
7.   Knuckles
Rumor has it Tanyon's new contract with the Braves has a clause that allows him to leave the team to reprise his role as one of the Bobs in Office Space 2. Also his next season of Scrubs wraps up filming just before Spring Training.
2006-12-04 06:57:07
8.   weeping for brunnhilde
6 "So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish" comes from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

The dolphins turn out to be highly evolved beings from outer space and just before they get off the planet before it's annihilated, they bid farewell to humankind: "So long...and thanks for all the fish!"

5 ha ha hah ah ah ah aha!

2006-12-04 07:01:02
9.   Shaun P
Since someone else has already opened the A-Rod can of worms . . . ;)

From Peter King's MMQB:

"b. Sign of the Week, in the crowd behind the FOX pregame show set at Giants Stadium: "It's All A-Rod's Fault.'"

2006-12-04 07:01:29
10.   Chyll Will
7 Maybe so, but I've grown to appreciate Sturze for whom he really is:

2006-12-04 07:02:55
11.   Chyll Will
9 No doubt a student of the BB Arts >;)
2006-12-04 07:12:16
12.   Shaun P
11 I almost asked which Banterite (Banterer? Banterian?) was at the Giants' game yesterday.

But then I remembered that the Giants' season ended a month ago, when they were 6-2 and cruising. Nothing has happened since then, right?

2006-12-04 07:24:12
13.   Murray
Our long national nightmare is finally over!

8 So, Tanyon Sturtze is Wilziak?

2006-12-04 07:26:20
14.   jakewoods
5 weeks ago the G Men looked like the best team in the NFC then Thomas Jones gets a first down on a 3rd and 22 draw play and the wheels flew off


2006-12-04 07:28:25
15.   joejoejoe
In '05 Torre pitched Sturtze 4 out of 5 days twice and 5 out of 6 days once. Nice usage!

At B-R under 'Similar Pitchers' for Tanyon Sturtze listed #1 is 'Drummer for Def Leppard'.

2006-12-04 07:29:48
16.   Yankee Fan In Boston
15 At B-R under 'Similar Pitchers' for Tanyon Sturtze listed #1 is 'Drummer for Def Leppard'.


2006-12-04 07:35:13
17.   Chyll Will
12 Don't ask me, I'm a clinically diagnosed Jets fan >;)

Banterer, it has more iron. Banterite sounds too much like neophyte, while Banterian makes you think, "shhhhh" (though I don't have a problem with that!)

Other nouns and pronouns to consider:
Banter de Soliel
...and the -itis of course, and so-on and so-forth.

2006-12-04 07:51:37
18.   Shaun P
15 I think Rick Allen could pitch at least as well as Tanyon did. Maybe better - you'd think Torre wouldn't use the one-armed guy so much. Right?

17 Will, you have entirely way too much time on your hands. =)

2006-12-04 07:53:15
19.   tommyl
12 I was at the Giants game yesterday. It was wonderful watching them march down the field, tie the score and promptly give up 42 yards on the very next play. It gave me something to think about while I was freezing waiting outside for the NJ Transit bus back to Manhattan.
2006-12-04 08:02:47
20.   Chyll Will
17 I thought that at first, but then I realized that sometimes this is the only way I can keep my brain from going AWOL. My wits would soon revolt and before you know it, I'm a Ded Sox fan. Besides, if time is such a precious commodity, and so many people are pressed for time, how come I don't get any hits on EBay?
2006-12-04 08:06:48
21.   Chyll Will
Shaun, here's an example:

19 I can't fathom why you would be cold after watching that game. If I saw what you saw, I'd be heated all the way home.

No muss, no fuss. (Okay, maybe some fuss, but not a lot...)

2006-12-04 08:15:49
22.   tommyl
21 Its hard to be heated when you spent the whole game assuming they would blow it in one way or another. Nice call on the end around on 4th down.

What I don't get is that Jacobs was never once stopped while running up the middle. Then they'd get down to the 3 or something and every time try to run outside or these elaborate pass plays. Just run the freakin' ball up the middle!

2006-12-04 08:18:29
23.   OldYanksFan
1 A very classy move for the Yankees to send flowers to Lester. Gotta be proud of them for that. Aside from great PR (while this was not the motivation), if Lester is ever a free-agent, the Yanks will have a leg up. People don't forget class moves like that.

I have a continuing fantasy that has ARod holding a press conference in which he publicly apologies to Jetes for the SI article of years ago... stating that he NOW knows that what Jetes does is not just about numbers... how being a Yankee doesn't guarantee winning the WS... and how he misses his past close friendship with Derek.

Regardless of what Jetes says, my guess is that there is always umspoken tension in the clubhouse. We know once Jetes blows you off, you are truly blown off. Mending their relationship would not only be good on a humanistic level, but would help the team.

I mean these are 2 superstars both worth over 100 million. What a shame to not enjoy the relationship they had some years ago.

It would be nice to have a truly at-peace and motivated ARod working for us.

2006-12-04 08:22:17
24.   ny2
23. Jeter responds to the Arod issue again in the post

2006-12-04 08:23:02
25.   Chyll Will
22 Hmmm... Sturtze could've benefitted from such wisdom; to say the least his arm would be attached and Torre would have no use for him. Think Cashman could do a deal with Accorsi before he retires and bring Jacobs in for long relief?
2006-12-04 08:33:54
26.   Chyll Will
23 re: 1 True indeed... gotta hope it wasn't Rick Cerrone's idea.

Heck, if his wife can't bring him peace, how could Jeter?

2006-12-04 08:35:59
27.   Chyll Will
24 see 2
2006-12-04 08:51:46
28.   Schteeve
23 It was an Esquire article, not SI.
2006-12-04 08:55:32
29.   mehmattski
Speaking of pitchers and with the winter meetings starting up, did anyone see this on Deadspin over the weekend:

Talking to seals? Playing guitar on the streets for change? If those aren't sure indications that the Yankees should pay Zito top dollar, I don't know what more to say...

17 Don't forget that any Banterer who has to go without the internet for a few days (gasp!) would experience Banter Withdrawal Syndrome (BWS). Symptoms include nightmares about Scott Proctor's right arm, constantly quoting They Might Be Giants songs, and an obsessive need to find out once and for all: Who is Karim Garcia?

2006-12-04 09:11:38
30.   kylepetterson
"Actually, it wasn't poor Tanyon that got so many Yankee fans hot-under-the-collar. It was the way Joe Torre used him."

You're right. If Torre hadn't used Sturtze at all, I probably wouldn't dislike him as much. Although, that "I have absolutely no idea what is going on" stare bugs me a little bit, too.

2006-12-04 09:14:02
31.   Chyll Will
My right arm only quotes poot-jokes. If it could quote They Might Be Giants while stalking Karim Garcia, I would be a very, very rich man ideed.

er, what's the number to BBAnon?

2006-12-04 09:14:32
32.   kylepetterson
29 "Who is Karim Garcia?"

To which I answer "Dude, if you don't know, I'm not gonna tell you!"

2006-12-04 09:16:29
33.   Shawn Clap
Yanks signed backup C Raul Chavez.
2006-12-04 09:22:14
34.   vockins
Barely relevant link for the Yanks fans/musicians:

Scroll down to the description.

I dig the idea of the Boss cutting tracks with Stanley Jordan and Chick Corea in some fusion project.

2006-12-04 09:22:21
35.   Cliff Corcoran
33 Please tell me it was a minor league deal. Chavez is one of the few players who would be a downgrade from Stinnett-Fasano.
2006-12-04 09:23:41
36.   Cliff Corcoran
35 It was a minor league deal. I think Chavez is supposed to replace Nieves, not Fasano. Fwhew!
2006-12-04 09:24:13
37.   mehmattski
Chavez (33) in 9 seasons, just 405 AB:
.212/.253/.284 4 HR
in parts of 16 minor league seasons:
He spent most of last year at Bowie, Baltimore's AA team (yes, AA at 33 years old).

For comparison:
Stinnett (36) .237/.318/.385
Fasano (35) .221/.296/.398
Mirabelli (36) .234/.320/.411


2006-12-04 09:32:10
38.   Chyll Will
30 His twin?
2006-12-04 09:39:03
39.   mehmattski
So, Chyll Will:

That's right, if the season ended today, our Jets would be the #6 seed in the AFC. Crazy! I've sent this to just about every Giants fan I can think of. The responses are not suitible for reprint.

2006-12-04 09:41:48
40.   yankz
37 16 MiL seasons? Yikes.
2006-12-04 09:51:11
41.   mehmattski
40 As a 17 year old 2b-ss, he hit .323/.358/.387 in 45 games with the Gulf Coast Astros in 1990... which was his highest OPS until 1998, when he hit .302/.361/.450 for the New Orleans Zephers (AAA).

Thanks,, for letting me know more about a fringe professional baseball player than I ever though I'd need.

2006-12-04 09:52:37
42.   yankz
"While the trading action sometimes can get a little Goofy as GMs get Grumpy, some deals turn out to be Sleeping Beauties. Others, in hindsight, prove to be just plain Dopey."

I didn't know 4 year olds wrote for the Toronto Star.

2006-12-04 09:59:58
43.   Chyll Will
Oh really? Send each on eof 'em this:
2006-12-04 10:02:24
44.   Chyll Will
43 is for mehmattski 41, but as is always the case with me somehow, can easily apply to 42 in a different context...
2006-12-04 10:04:36
45.   Chyll Will
41 don't forget the "Happy Holidays" with that!
2006-12-04 10:23:33
46.   monkeyball
"Actually, it wasn't poor Taynon that got so many Yankee fans hot-under-the-collar. It was the way Joe Torre used him."

Exactly. Specifically it was the fact that Torre kept using him to throw the ball toward home plate with the general intention of getting the batter to make an out. This did not seem to play to Sturtze strengths at all. I hear is an good shoveller though. Not a great shoveller, mind you. But good.

2006-12-04 10:25:25
47.   kylepetterson
38 Sturtze talking to the pitching coaches:

"I thought I pitched pretty good yesterday"
"Wah wah wah wah wah"
"So I gave up a couple dozen runs, so what?"
"Wah wah wah wah"
"Screw you blockheads, I'm going home!"

2006-12-04 10:34:01
48.   kylepetterson
46 I hear ya man 30
2006-12-04 10:40:15
49.   monkeyball
Whoops. Didn't see that, kp. Great minds, I guess.
2006-12-04 11:00:13
50.   kylepetterson
From LoHud: "Larry O'Brien, the agent for Ted Lilly, has tried for weeks to tie his client with the Yankees. But once the team made its bid for Kei Igawa, the Yankees lost all interest in Lilly. Now rumor has it that he is close to signing with the Cubs."

How is it the Cubs can do so much without really doing anything?

Show/Hide Comments 51-100
2006-12-04 11:02:51
51.   Just fair
I for one will not miss good ol' Tanyon. At least next season I can always click on TBS to see him getting knocked around in the NL.
2006-12-04 11:05:19
52.   Chyll Will
50"How is it the Cubs can do so much without really doing anything?"

Practice, practice, practice... at this point, they must consider it an inalienable right.

2006-12-04 11:31:36
53.   Dimelo
We are all Yankee fans here, but we aren't all Giant or Jets fans. Can you JET fans please be a little sympathetic to your fellow Yankee fans and stop giving us Giant fans grief about the Jets record? :-)

Nobody cares that the Jets haven't beat anyone significant, oh yeah...they beat the Patriots. Giant fans don't comment about another team's very weak schedule and their ability to parlay that into a playoff bid, we just aren't that mean. Giant fans won't mention the Jets remaining schedule: Buffalo, @Min, @Miami, and Oakland. Or that those teams are terrible. Or that the Jets played the NFC North this year and the one good team they played from that division shut-out the Jets.

Giant fans are way too classy to mention all those things. :-)

2006-12-04 11:40:53
54.   jakewoods
As a Giant fan, the Jet fans out there should be laughing in our faces.

I thought the Jets would have trouble winning 3 games. Now they're going to make the playoffs.

2006-12-04 11:40:59
55.   Chyll Will
53 Aw c'mon, man... We don't get much to cheer about, so a half-day to gloat like a Jints fan isn't too much to ask. We may be Jets fans, but we're not Ded Sox fans. Have some barbacue sauce with me, on the house...
2006-12-04 11:41:50
56.   chris in illinois
True Tanyon Sturtze story.

A couple friends of mine were in Florida for Spring Training a few years back...2003 to be exact...and they had tickets behind the plate for a nice afternoon game in Dunedin---tickets that they had gotten from a friend who knew a Blue Jay.

So here they are in the friends/relatives section of the park and they start heckling the poor Blue Jay starter who just happened to be one Tanyon Sturtze. After an inning or so disparaging Tanyon's control, his stuff, his make-up, his parentage, you name it, the pretty blond sitting directly in front of them turned around and politely told them that Tanyon was her fiance and that she'd appreciate it if they would settle down.

I can't imagine that this was an isolated incident.

Additionally, as a Braves' fan, I'm estatic about the news (is there a secret internet protocol to indicate extreme sarcasm? If there is, imagine that I just used it).

2006-12-04 11:44:32
57.   mehmattski
54 Hey now, let's not be so optimistic. We Jets fans are a bit like Cubs fans: we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sure, the way we played yesterday, it looks like the Jets could finish 11-5. But something bad always happens to Jets fans. Just you wait.

And, by the way, if the season ended today, the Giants would make the playoffs too. In any event, even if the Jets lost the rest of their games, us fans can still laugh in the faces of every "expert" who thought we'd be in the Brady Quinn sweepstakes right now, with 4 wins all season, tops.

2006-12-04 11:54:49
58.   Chyll Will
57 yeah, yeahhhh... sigh... for Jets fans, a season like this feels like three-up on Boston with one to go. But you gotta admit, this game was petty cool...
2006-12-04 12:04:51
59.   mehmattski
58 At least the season shouldn't come down to a Chad Pennington pass that is inexplicably touched by a fan, leading to a playoff loss.
2006-12-04 12:06:42
60.   Chyll Will
59 Someone better tie down Fireman Ed then...
2006-12-04 12:38:50
61.   Dimelo
55 You can gloat....I love bbq sauce too. Just giving you guys crap. I put a ban on watching ESPN and their man love for everything Tuna. I just needed an outlet to vent, so Jet fans at the boogie down banter were my outlet.
2006-12-04 12:41:37
62.   thelarmis
34 vockins - are you a Fusion musician?!
2006-12-04 12:53:34
63.   mehmattski
If the Winter Meetings happen and the Yankees do nothing, did they really exist? What is the sound of one hand clapping?
2006-12-04 13:07:25
64.   Chyll Will
63 I was gonna say that about the Cardinals winning the World Series in relation to Pujols' apology to HRS-ONE about his overconcern for who won the MVP:

"If a team wins the World Series and no one was watching, do the writers say it matters?"

2006-12-04 13:10:39
65.   Shaun P
53 Is this a City-phenomena? This upstate-born Giants fan knows plenty of upstate-born Jets fans and the only times anything has been said is when the teams play each other in preseason or the rare regular season game. Otherwise, nothing.

Mostly we just agree on our hatred of the Bills and their cocky fans in "pop" Western NY who claim to be the only real NY team.

2006-12-04 13:16:24
66.   Chyll Will
65 "Mostly we just agree on our hatred of the Bills and their cocky fans in "pop" Western NY who claim to be the only real NY team"

Yamon...we rude bwoys neenot be buddered witsuch stupidity...

2006-12-04 13:18:13
67.   mehmattski
Maybe I'm being too impatient, it's just the first day of the meetings. I'm sure the GMs are all busy in their ice-breakers. Like Selig has everybody stand up and recite the General Manager's Creed, and then they go around the room introducing themselves: name, where you're from, and what you would do with $10 million. "Sign Juan Pierre!" exclaims Ned Coletti. Then they break up into small groups and compete to see who can build the strongest structure out of balsa wood, macaroni, and marshmallows. After that, each GM takes turns in the "trust game," as they put on a blindfold and leap into a giant parachute held by the other 29 GMs.

So you can see, we shouldn't expect much from the first day of the winter meetings.

2006-12-04 13:21:17
68.   jakewoods
If ESPN had a kid would they name it Terrel or Tuna or Barry?
2006-12-04 13:25:00
69.   Yankee Fan In Boston
68 i just hope that berman isn't allowed any input on the name.
2006-12-04 13:26:35
70.   Shaun P
68 His name would be Terrell Parcells Ortiz, and his nicknames would include TO and Big Tuna Papi.
2006-12-04 13:27:53
71.   Shaun P
70 Oh, almost forgot - every ESPN outlet would spend countless hours talking about the kid.

I wonder what that would be like?

2006-12-04 13:29:56
72.   Chyll Will
68 Bartona Bertrick-Krillith
2006-12-04 13:32:20
73.   Chyll Will
69 Fat chance...

71 It would sound like one hand clapping, of course.

2006-12-04 13:56:10
74.   Yankee Fan In Boston
2006-12-04 14:30:25
75.   rbj
67 Do they have a bug juice and graham cracker snack too?
2006-12-04 14:31:08
76.   Mike T
I love the Onion. When you really need a good laugh, they don't come much more dependable than the Onion.
2006-12-04 15:51:23
77.   randym77
I'm gonna miss Tanyon Sturtze. If only because he has such a cool name.
2006-12-04 16:30:57
78.   mehmattski
77 There's still Humberto Sanchez... assuming he doesn't get traded. There's a chance that the Yanks might sign Vicente Padilla (say both with a fake Spanish accent, it's awesome). After that, it's a few years before we'll see Marco Vechionacci.
2006-12-04 18:29:42
79.   OldYanksFan
Free agent right-hander Vicente Padilla has reached a preliminary agreement on a $34 million, three-year contract with the Texas Rangers, a baseball source said Monday night.

The Cardinals announced a five-year deal with 2005 NL Cy Young Award winner Chris Carpenter on Monday, locking him up through the 2011 season for about $65 million.

2006-12-04 19:35:58
80.   wsporter
78 Would one be SOL on that fun if they only had a real Spanish accent to say it with? :-)

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