LONG NIGHT'S JOURNEY INTO ASS

I've become smarter as I've gotten older. I don't watch or listen to any Yankee west-coast games during the work week. No matter what the early score is, I know it will jack me up too much, and then I'll never get a decent night of sleep. I also know how poorly the Yanks have played on the coast since I was a kid (though I'm not sure of the numbers), so the crank always emerges in me and I never expect to wake up to discover the Yanks have won. And if they prove me wrong, it's a nice surprise to start the day.

I can't say I was shocked when I saw the backpage of the tabliods this morning and saw that the Yanks played a sloppy game in Seattle last night, and lost 12-7. Did I say they would be sounding the alarm in Boston yesterday after Nomar made an error that cost the Sox a game? Well, now that the Yanks have dropped three-straight, we'll be conducting duck-and-cover drills in throughout the Tri-State area this morning.

Naturally, the Sox won, and the Yanks lead in the east stands at a scant two and a half games.

On my way to work this morning, I stumbled across two very lost looking tourists standing on the corner of 50th street and 7th avenue. They were a squat, Midwestern couple. When they saw me they asked, "How do we get to the 'Today Show?'" I helped them out and then walked with them for a block. The husband commented on my "Eight Men Out" varsity jacket and figured I couldn't be all bad since I was representing Chicago.

"You a White Sox fan?"

"No, we're Cubs fans."

"Well, hell, what's not to like about the Cubs," I said.

I got around to talking about the Mets and the Yanks and he says, "I don't like George Steinbrenner much."

"Well, I don't like him too tough either, but I do like the team he's provided us."

"What about Arizona? Those Diamondbacks beat you guys in their first year of existence."

I didn't have it in me to lay into this rube, even though I was in less than a cheery mood after reading about last night's game.

"Hell, that was nothing to be ashamed of, especially after they won three in a row."

"Yeah, well, where is the 'Today Show' again?"